Say Hi to Beverley

Could I ask a favour please folks?
Beverley is having a bit of a tough time just now and really missing the forum
Could I ask if members could post a message to her on this thread
I will print off the messages and send them to her
A wee joke or a laugh would be nice
Thanking you all in advance

Hello Beverley

I know it must be frustrating for you not being able to get onto the forum.

I am not very good at telling jokes but perhaps this will make you smile.

I am waiting on word to get a cataract operation and on Saturday evening I was sitting reading the newspaper when I said to my husband how bad my eye was getting and that I could hardly read the paper only to discover that one of the lens had fallen out of my glasses and was lying on my knee!

Thinking of you.

Maggie

Hi Beverley,

I hope your felling better each day and that you will be home soon.

I'm not good at jokes either but since Maggie was talking about eyes heres what I done.

I have bad eyes sight but I hate wearing my glasses, so one day I was trying to get a taxi cab when I saw an orange light I thought it was a cab and stuck my hand out for it to stop as it got nearer to me I saw it was an AA van, it stopped and the man asked if I needed help, I said no I just need to wear my glasses.

Take care and hope to see you back on the forum soon.

xx

Hello Beverley, I do hope you will soon feel a little better and if wishes did anything you would be flying by now as all the ladies on this site are so caring. I am not good at jokes, but a friend went to buy herself the game that is called Wii,[pronounced wee] she hed her daughter with her. Her daughter went to find an assistant telling him, her mother wanted a Wii, sorry said the chap we dont have toilets in here....... sorry about that. take care lots of love and hugs Janet xx

Hi Beverley

Hope you are getting better day by day - Its sure taking a long time. You must be getting so bored now. We miss you on the forum and your smiling face. You are so brave and patient and it must be tough for Barrie too. my thoughts and prayers are with you both. Hope you'll be home soon

Here's a little joke to make you smile.

Blonde helicopter pilot

A blonde pilot decided she wanted to learn how to fly a helicopter. She went to the airport, but the only one available was a solo-helicopter. The Instructor figured he could let her go up alone since she was already a pilot for small planes and he could instruct her via radio.

So up the blonde went. She reached 1,000 feet and everything was going smoothly. She reached 2,000 feet. The blonde and the Instructor kept talking via radio. Everything was running smoothly. At 3,000 feet the helicopter suddenly came down quickly! It skimmed the top of some trees and crash landed in the woods. The Instructor jumped into his jeep and rushed out to see if the blonde was okay.

As he reached the edge of the woods, the blonde was walking out.

"What happened?" the Instructor asked. "All was going so well until you reached 3,000 feet. What happened then?"

"Well," began the blonde, "I got cold. So I turned off the big fan."

Hello dear Beverely,

I'm sorry to hear that you are still in hospital. I do hope and pray that you will be out soon.

I'm pleased to hear that you are managing to get some crafting done. Please let me know if there is anyting you need and I will get it in the post to you.

I haven't been able to do as much crafting as I would have liked. Simon is doing some work and is borrowing my crafting table. He promises me he will clear it today so that I will be able to knuckle down to my ATC and card swap.

I shall top up my mobile with credit this weekend and will text you.

Love and hugs to you sweetheart,
Pepi xxx

Hi Beverley sending you great big (((hugs )))and well wishes hope you are home soon.

Andrea xxxx

Hi Beverley,
Hope your recovery is quick and praying for you.

Here goes a joke or two. Hope they make you laugh......

In-law vs Outlaw :

What's the difference between an in-law and an outlaw?
Outlaws are wanted.

What's for Dinner?

A concerned husband goes to see the family doctor and says, "I think my wife is deaf because she never hears me the first time I say something, in fact, I often have to repeat things over and over again."
"Well," the doctor replies, "go home and tonight and stand about 15 feet from her and say something. If she doesn't reply, move about five feet closer and say it again. Keep doing this so we can get an idea about the severity of her deafness."

Sure enough, the husband goes home and does exactly as instructed. He starts off about 15 feet from his wife in the kitchen and as she is chopping some vegetables, he says, "Honey, what's for dinner?"

He gets no response. He moves about five feet closer and asks again. No reply. He moves five feet closer. Still no reply. He gets fed up and moves right behind her, about an inch away, and asks again, "Honey, what's for dinner?"

She replies, "For the fourth time, vegetable stew!"

Take care Beverley.
Stamping Hugs
Robin

Thanks folks
Sorry I haven't got on sooner, pooter bother
I will print this page off tomorrow and send it to her

The people she is in the ward with seem to be a cheery crowd and I had quite a laugh hearing about the antics of them all
So she has cheered up quite a bit however I am sure your wishes and jokes will cheer her up even more

Tired of constantly being broke, & stuck in an unhappy marriage, a
young husband decided to solve both problems by taking out a large
insurance policy on his wife with himself as the beneficiary, and
then arranging to have her killed.

A 'friend of a friend' put him in touch with a nefarious, dark-side,
underworld figure who went by the name of 'Artie.'
Artie then explained to the husband that the going rate for snuffing
out a spouse was £5,000.
The husband said he was willing to pay that amount, but that he
wouldn't have any cash on hand until he could collect his wife's
insurance money.

Artie insisted on being paid at least something up front, so the man
opened his wallet, displaying the single pound coin that rested
inside.
Artie sighed, rolled his eyes, & reluctantly agreed to accept the
pound as down payment for the dirty deed.

A few days later, Artie followed the man's wife to the local Tesco
store.
There, he surprised her in the produce department and proceeded to
strangle her with his gloved hands.
As the poor unsuspecting woman drew her last breath and slumped to
the floor, the manager of the produce department stumbled
unexpectedly onto the murder scene.
Unwilling to leave any living witnesses behind, Artie had no choice
but to strangle the produce manager as well.

However, unknown to Artie, the entire proceedings were captured by
the hidden security cameras and observed by the store's security
guard, who immediately called the police.

Artie was caught and arrested before he could even leave the store.
Under intense questioning at the police station, Artie revealed the
whole sordid plan, including his unusual financial arrangements with
the hapless husband, who was also quickly arrested.

The next day in the newspaper, the headline declared...........



(You're going to love me for this)





(scroll down)














'ARTIE CHOKES TWO FOR A POUND AT TESCO!'

"Twenty Responses to Use With Telemarketers"


1. If they want to loan you money, tell them you just filed for
bankruptcy and
you could sure use some money.

2. If they start out with, "How are you today?" say, "I'm so glad
you asked, because no one these days seems to care, and I have all these
problems. My arthritis is acting up, my eyelashes are sore, my dog just
died . . . "

3. If they say they're John Doe from XYZ Company, ask them to spell
their name. Then ask them to spell the company name. Then ask them where
it is located, how long it has been in business, how many people work
there, how they got into this line of work if they are married, how many
kids they have, etc. Continue asking them personal questions or
questions about their company for as long as necessary.

4. This works great if you are male. Telemarketer: "Hi, my name is
Judy and I'm with XYZ Company. " You: Wait for a second and with a real
husky voice ask, "What are you wearing?"

5. Cry out in surprise, "Judy? Is that you? Oh my God! Judy, how
have you been?" Hopefully, this will give Judy a few brief moments of
terror as she tries to figure out where she could know you from.

6. Say "No" over and over. Be sure to vary the sound of each one,
and keep a rhythmic tempo, even as they are trying to speak. This is
most fun if you can do it until they hang up.

7. If MCI calls trying to get you to sign up for the Family and
Friends Plan, reply, in as sinister a voice as you can, "I don't have
any friends, would you be my friend?"

8. If the company cleans rugs, respond: "Can you get out blood? Can
you get out goat blood? How about human blood?"

9. After the Telemarketer gives his or her spiel, ask him or her to
marry you. When they get all flustered, tell them that you can't just
give your credit card number to a complete stranger.

10. Tell the Telemarketer that you work for the same company, and
they can't sell to employees.

11. Answer the phone. As soon as you realize it is a Telemarketer,
set the receiver down, scream, "Oh my God!" and then hang up.

12. Tell the Telemarketer you are busy at the moment and ask him/her
if he/she will give you his/her home phone number so you can call
him/her back. When the Telemarketer explains that telemarketers cannot
give out their home numbers say, "I guess you don't want anyone
bothering you at home, right?" The Telemarketer will agree and you say,
"Me neither!" Hang up.

13. Ask them to repeat everything they say, several times.

14. Tell them it is dinner time, but ask if they would please hold.
Put them on your speaker phone while you continue to eat at your
leisure. Smack your food loudly and continue with your dinner
conversation.

15. Tell the Telemarketer you are on "home incarceration" and ask if
they could bring you some beer.

16. Ask them to fax the information to you, and make up a number.

17. Tell the Telemarketer, "Okay, I'll listen to you. But I should
probably tell you, I'm not wearing any clothes."

18. Insist that the caller is really your buddy Leon, playing a
joke. "Come on, Leon, cut it out! Seriously, Leon, how's your momma?"

19. Tell them you are hard of hearing and that they need to speak up
. . . louder . . . louder . . .

20. Tell them to talk very slowly, because you want to write every
word down.

Oh Jane I really enjoyed them, you cheered me up Janet x

Can I send, on behalf of Beverley her thanks for all your good wishes and jokes
She really did enjoy reading all the postings
Once again you have all shown what caring, genuine people you are
Another reason why this forum means so much to me and whay I feel truly blessed to be a member of it